TRYING TO CONTROL EVERYTHING

TRYING TO CONTROL EVERYTHING

SURRENDER THE REINS

Key Scripture

📖 Proverbs 16:9 (NKJV)

"A man's heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps."

Introduction

There is a deep, gnawing restlessness that lives in the human heart. It is the need to control. We want to control our schedules, our relationships, our finances, our health, our reputations, and our futures. We believe that if we can just manage every variable, anticipate every problem, and orchestrate every outcome, we will find peace. But the opposite is true. The more we try to control, the more anxious we become, because life is fundamentally uncontrollable. There are a thousand variables we cannot predict, a thousand forces we cannot influence, and a thousand outcomes we cannot determine. We are not God, and every attempt to play God is exhausting, futile, and ultimately destructive.

The wisdom of Proverbs cuts through this illusion. Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived, acknowledges a tension that every human being faces: we make plans, but God directs our steps. The Hebrew word for "directs" is kun, which means to establish, to prepare, or to make firm. It implies that God is the one who ultimately determines the outcome of our plans. We are not passengers on a random journey; we are participants in a divinely orchestrated story. We make our plans—that is our responsibility. But God directs our steps—that is His sovereignty. The problem arises when we confuse our responsibility with His sovereignty. We try to do His job. We try to control what only He can direct. This teaching is for everyone who has ever been exhausted by the effort of trying to manage the unmanageable, for everyone who has lost sleep worrying about outcomes they cannot influence, and for everyone who needs to surrender the reins to the One who holds the universe in His hands. It is time to stop trying to control everything and start trusting the One who controls everything.

Biblical Truth

Proverbs 16:9 is a masterclass in the tension between human responsibility and divine sovereignty. It does not dismiss the need for planning; it affirms it. "A man's heart plans his way." Planning is good. Wisdom is good. Stewardship is good. God does not call us to be passive or lazy. He calls us to be responsible. We are to plan, prepare, and work diligently. The sluggard is rebuked for failing to plan (Proverbs 24:30-34). Planning is not the problem.

The problem is the assumption that our plans will unfold exactly as we intend. The problem is the illusion of control. The second half of the verse corrects this: "But the Lord directs his steps." The Hebrew word for "directs" is kun, which means to establish, to make firm, to prepare, or to guide. It is the same word used in Proverbs 3:6, where God promises to "direct" our paths. God is the ultimate navigator. He is the One who determines the final destination, even when we take detours or wrong turns.

This is the biblical balance: we are to plan with diligence, but we are to hold our plans with open hands, fully aware that God may redirect, delay, or even cancel our plans for His own purposes. James echoes this in the New Testament: "Come now, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, spend a year there, buy and sell, and make a profit'; whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away. Instead you ought to say, 'If the Lord wills, we shall live and do this or that'" (James 4:13-15). Planning is good; presumptuous planning is not. We plan, but we must always add, "If the Lord wills."

The sovereignty of God is a central theme throughout Scripture. Psalm 33:11 declares, "The counsel of the Lord stands forever, the plans of His heart to all generations." Isaiah 46:10 affirms, "My counsel shall stand, and I will do all My pleasure." God is not a passive observer; He is actively involved in the affairs of humanity. He directs the steps of kings and peasants alike. He orchestrates events for His purposes. Nothing happens outside of His sovereign will. This is not fatalism; it is faith. It is the confidence that even when our plans fail, God's plan prevails. Even when we make mistakes, God works all things together for good (Romans 8:28). Even when we cannot see the way, God is paving the way.

The ultimate example of surrendered planning is Jesus in Gethsemane. He had a plan—He was the Son of God, and He knew His destiny. But in the garden, He prayed, "Father, if it is Your will, take this cup away from Me; nevertheless not My will, but Yours, be done" (Luke 22:42). Jesus surrendered His plan to the Father's plan. He did not abandon His mission; He submitted His will to the Father's will. That is the posture of true surrender.

What We Often Get Wrong

The first and most common error is that we confuse responsibility with control. We believe that if we are responsible, we must be in control. But responsibility is about stewardship; control is about sovereignty. You are responsible for your choices, your actions, and your attitudes, but you are not responsible for the outcomes. Outcomes belong to God. When you take responsibility for outcomes, you are stepping into God's territory. You are trying to control what only God can direct. This leads to anxiety, exhaustion, and a false sense of guilt when things do not go as planned.

Second, we believe that anxiety is a form of control. We think that if we worry enough, we can somehow influence the future. Worry feels productive, but it is not. It is a counterfeit of preparation. It drains our energy, clouds our judgment, and achieves nothing. Jesus asked, "Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?" (Matthew 6:27). Worry is an admission that we do not trust God's control. It is the clenched fist of fear masquerading as concern.

Third, we micromanage people and circumstances. We try to control our spouses, our children, our employees, and our friends. We believe we know what is best for them, and we try to manipulate them into compliance. This destroys relationships. Control is the opposite of love. Love gives freedom; control demands compliance. The apostle Paul instructed fathers, "Do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord" (Ephesians 6:4). Provoking to wrath is the result of control; training in the Lord is the result of influence. Control produces resentment; influence produces respect.

Fourth, we fear uncertainty more than we trust God. We want guarantees. We want a clear path. We want to know exactly what will happen tomorrow, next year, and ten years from now. But faith does not operate on certainty; it operates on trust. Hebrews 11:1 defines faith as "the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." Faith is trusting God when you cannot see the path. Control demands visibility; faith embraces invisibility. The enemy uses uncertainty to tempt us into control. God uses uncertainty to deepen our faith.

Fifth, we confuse God's sovereignty with fatalism. Some believers, reacting against the effort of control, swing to the opposite extreme and become passive. They say, "If God is sovereign, I do not need to do anything. Whatever will be, will be." But this is a distortion of biblical truth. God's sovereignty does not negate our responsibility. Paul, after declaring God's sovereignty in Romans 8, immediately calls believers to action in Romans 12: "I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice." Sovereignty does not excuse laziness; it enables boldness. We act, but we trust God for the outcome.

God's Perspective

God views our attempts to control as idolatry. When we try to control everything, we are effectively saying, "I am God. I know better. I cannot trust You with this." We are putting ourselves in the place of God, which is the original sin of Adam and Eve (Genesis 3:5). God does not share His glory with another (Isaiah 42:8), and He will not allow us to usurp His throne. Our need to control is a rebellion against His sovereignty.

God's perspective is that He is the only One who is truly in control, and He is worthy of our trust. He is not a micromanager; He is a perfect Father. He does not control us like puppets; He guides us like a shepherd. He has given us free will, but He also works within our choices to accomplish His purposes. He is so sovereign that He can even use our mistakes, our failures, and our rebellion to bring about His will. Joseph's brothers intended evil, but God intended it for good (Genesis 50:20). The cross was the greatest act of evil in history, yet God used it for the greatest act of salvation. Nothing is outside of God's control.

God sees our striving as unnecessary. He is not waiting for us to get it right so He can finally bless us. He is already at work. He is already directing our steps. He is already working all things together for good. Our job is not to control; our job is to trust and obey. Jesus said, "Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest" (Matthew 11:28). The rest He offers is the rest of surrender. It is the rest of releasing control and trusting the One who holds all things.

God's perspective is that surrender is not weakness; it is wisdom. The strongest people are not those who control everything; they are those who know when to release control to God. Surrender is an act of faith. It says, "I trust You more than I trust myself." It is the posture of a child who is held by a loving Father. The Father does not drop His children. He holds them securely. When you surrender control, you are not losing; you are gaining peace.

Practical Application

Identify Your Control Zones: Take time to honestly assess where you are trying to control things that are not yours to control. Is it your children's decisions? Your spouse's behaviour? Your career trajectory? The outcome of a health situation? Write them down. Naming them is the first step to surrendering them.

Practice the "If the Lord Wills" Discipline: Begin adding this phrase to your plans. Not as a superstitious formula, but as a genuine posture of heart. When you make plans, say, "Lord, if You will, I will do this." When you look at your calendar, invite God into it. Say, "Lord, direct my steps." This trains your heart to acknowledge His sovereignty.

Establish a Daily Surrender Ritual: Every morning, physically open your hands and say, "Lord, I surrender this day to You. I release my plans, my expectations, and my fears. You are in control. I trust You." Every evening, review the day and release any anxieties that remain. Let surrender become a daily rhythm.

Interrupt Worry with Worship: When you catch yourself worrying—which is a form of trying to control—stop and worship. Sing a hymn, quote a Scripture, or simply say, "Lord, You are sovereign. You are good. I trust You." Worship shifts your focus from your circumstances to God's character. It is the antidote to control.

Surrender the Outcomes to God: Commit to doing your best and leaving the results to God. You are responsible for your effort; God is responsible for the outcome. This frees you from the crushing burden of perfectionism and the fear of failure. Say, "Lord, I have done what I can. The rest is up to You."

Ask Yourself

What am I trying to control that only God can control?

Am I more anxious about the outcome or about my obedience?

Do I trust God's sovereignty, or do I believe I know better than He does?

Is my need for control damaging my relationships?

What would change in my life if I truly surrendered everything to God?

Reflection

The need to control is exhausting. It is like trying to hold water in your hands—the tighter you grip, the more slips through your fingers. But surrender is liberating. It is like opening your hands and letting the water flow, trusting that God will give you what you need when you need it. The truth is, you were never in control. You only ever had the illusion of control. God has always been the one directing your steps, even when you did not acknowledge Him. The moment you surrender is the moment you stop fighting the current and start floating in the peace of His providence. He is a good Father, and He knows what He is doing. He is writing a story that is far more beautiful, complex, and glorious than anything you could orchestrate yourself. Let go. Trust Him. He will not let you fall.

Prayer

Father, I confess that I have been trying to control things that only You can control. I have been exhausted by the effort of holding everything together. I repent of the pride that thinks I know better than You. I repent of the fear that drives my need for control. Today, I release my grip. I release my plans, my fears, my relationships, my health, my finances, and my future into Your hands. You are the One who directs my steps. You are the One who works all things together for good. I trust You. I trust Your timing. I trust Your wisdom. I trust Your love. Help me to be faithful in my responsibility and peaceful in Your sovereignty. Teach me to rest in the knowledge that You are God and I am not. In Jesus' mighty name, Amen.

Declaration

I declare that I am not God, and I release the burden of trying to be. I trust the Lord to direct my steps. I will plan with diligence, but I will hold my plans with open hands. I refuse to be controlled by anxiety, fear, or the need to micromanage. I surrender my future to the One who holds the future. I am safe in His hands. He is my Shepherd; I shall not want. He leads me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake. I will not fear, for He is with me. His rod and His staff comfort me. My times are in His hands, and His hands are safe. I am free from the burden of control, and I walk in the freedom of trust.

Concluding Scripture

📖 Psalm 37:23–24 (NKJV)

"The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord, and He delights in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down; for the Lord upholds him with His hand."